When you and your SO break up you know exactly what to do. You change into sweats, put on some Adele, break out the chocolate or ice cream (or both) and have yourself a good cry. After you have accepted what’s happened you call up your besties who immediately come to your aid. They come over with piles of junk food and pizza, and start a violent rant session where phrases like “____ is such a jerk” and “you are better off” are said repeatedly.
You know exactly what to do after a breakup. There’s an entire manual on how to navigate this new single lifestyle you’ve entered. There are a million, movies, books and songs explaining exactly what you are going through. But then there is another type of heartbreak, one that people don’t talk about. It seems with all the talk about love and heartbreak we neglect to talk about what happens when you lose a friend. Friend breakups are completely different and a lot harder to manage. It’s not like you go see them and give some speech about how it’s been fun but you just don’t think it’s going to work anymore. When it comes to friendships there’s not always a solid conclusion, sometimes you don’t even realize it’s ended until after it’s over.
I remember exactly what happened when my best friend and I broke up. It was the first real heartbreak I had ever experienced and I remember every second of it like it was yesterday. I can still feel all of it; the anger, the hurt and the feeling of abandonment. I sat on the floor crying after the biggest fight my best friend and I had ever had. I was so mad. I figured we both needed a couple days to cool off, then we’d talk it out. But days turned to weeks which turned into months, and after so much time of radio silence I knew it was over.
I however was lucky, yes I had lost my best friend but I had recently made a couple new friends. This new group of ladies helped me through the whole ordeal and soon became my best friends. But not everyone is that lucky, most girls have to navigate through the rubble of a broken friendship alone. The truth of the matter is ending a friendship is ten times harder than ending a relationship. Your friends, your true friends have seen you at your lowest and most vulnerable points, but they’ve also been there for all the greatest highlights. Sometimes it seems as if your lives are completely intertwined. They have sat with you and pigged out during sleepovers. They’ve assisted you through every fashion crisis and helped you overcome your body image issues. They have been there through all of the best and worst parts of your life. They have constantly been there to cheer you on all the time reminding you how amazing and truly loved you are. Then suddenly they are gone leaving an empty spot in your heart. I know I have never felt more vulnerable and alone as I did those first couple days.
Ending a relationship may break your heart, but losing a friend can shatter your soul. When you lose a friend, there are no songs, movies or books to guide you. You look around and realize the shoulder you usually go to cry on is no longer there. Your entire world feels like it’s crashing down around you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get through it. I know how it feels, I have been there, and I survived. I made it through to the other side.The reason I was able to move on is because I realized some things just aren’t meant to be. Not all people are meant to stay in your life forever as much as you may want them too. I accepted the fact that our friendship had run it’s course and even though it hurt I was able to move on. Although we aren’t friends anymore I will always remember the good times we had together, and all the lessons she taught me. I grieved what I had and then I made new friends and so will you. It may take some time but you will get there, I promise.
Originally Published on Her Track